


spread your wings and fly away

by SmittyJaws



Series: you're my best friend [6]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, ace!Deaky, ace!reader, reader and the band are hardly in this one sorry, starring: the most non-sexual sexual scene ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 20:31:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmittyJaws/pseuds/SmittyJaws
Summary: John always knew he was different.  He just didn't realize how different.





	spread your wings and fly away

**Author's Note:**

> Series notes: As always, I want to thank: @glamrockmonarch for her kickass headcanons, and @brian-may-likes-dust for putting up with me spitballing ideas/shitposts xD you’re stellar, and I love you both 💜💜💜
> 
> Very slight AU, mostly in that this story assumes asexuality is more visible/discussed in the 70s (still stigmatized much like any deviation from “standard” heterosexual relationships though), but otherwise not much else is different aside from my lapses in memory regarding other historical information (and/or wildly different obvious changes I’ve made for fun XD). Fic title is taken from the lyrics to Spread Your Wings.
> 
> [Fic notes: We’ve got a Deaky-centric fic here! This one was a fun change of pace, writing from his POV and giving some insight as to how he got to where he was in **will we be together forever?**. There’s some slight overlap between this work and **wwbtf?** , but you shouldn’t need to read that one to understand what’s going on here. That said, why not go ahead and read that fic too? It’s what started this whole series! :D Enjoy!]

John’s always known he was different, growing up. He always preferred to keep more to himself than to play with others, he’d rather take things apart than to build them (unless he was rebuilding something he’d previously taken apart), and he’s far more interested in listening to conversations than actually taking part himself. 

His parents encourage him to go out and make friends, but he’d honestly rather read a book or be on his own than try to force himself to socialize. He’s not outgoing enough to try to arrange plans, or charismatic enough to draw people in to his personal sphere, so he makes do with what he has and is content. 

As he grows up, he does end up making some friends; some people that he doesn’t mind talking with, spending time together with. He still keeps some things to himself, though, and for the most part they just accept that. “Deaky’s a bit odd,” he’s heard them say, “but he’s a decent fellow when you get to know him.” This suits John just fine - who cares about the low level sting of being called odd when he’s been given a nickname anyway? Nicknames mean a certain level of camaraderie, and John’s happy to be included. 

Of course, being included also has its downsides. He’s 16 when he starts hearing members of the Opposition talk about what they’ve been up to over the weekends, and the majority of that talk features girls. How fit certain ones are, how much snogging Dave and Richard have done, and particular attention is paid to the fact that Nigel has managed to cop a feel of another’s ‘assets’. John blushes a bit when that’s brought up, but otherwise tries to avoid contributing to the conversation. No such luck, though: “‘Ey Deaks! Enough of us prattling on; you got someone to be involved with?” Richard wiggles his eyebrows and the others lean in for potential details, but John just shakes his head, stammers out a bit of a response about not having found someone, and the conversation swiftly moves on as they lose interest. However, this interaction starts to get John thinking. 

He’s never been as driven to find someone as his friends are... at least, not in the way they like to talk about. While they’re talking about how developed certain girls are, John focuses on finishing his school work and idly wondering what it’s like to be married. His parents seem so happy together; surely they didn’t have to go through all this ridiculousness the way his classmates and friends are? They all talk about how grown up they’re being, but John thinks it all seems rather ridiculous if touching someone’s chest or... other areas, is the highest goal to aspire to in life. Don’t they want more than that? A connection?

——

John finds that kind of connection soon enough, in the form of Sarah Foster. Sarah is one of his neighbours (or at least, one of the only young people that lives within walking distance of his house), and also the prettiest girl at Gartree Modern School. For all that John might be more interested in a deeper connection with someone rather than purely looks, he’s not so disinterested in appearance that he can’t appreciate the view. John mostly likes how easy it is to talk to her, though - she’s aware of her status as the resident beauty queen but doesn’t overly flaunt it, and she’s friendly and doesn’t force him to talk if he doesn’t want to, and also listens to him talk animatedly about the reel-to-reel deck he’s working on (even though John is sure she doesn’t understand any of it). 

When they start dating, John’s friends don’t understand how he’s somehow managed to attract her, but John just shrugs and enjoys the fact that he can have this little moment to lord over them. They all press for more details about what she’s “like” over the weeks and months, but John remains tight-lipped, not comfortable discussing this and bringing up his love life. He also feels that it’d be a bit odd telling his friends that they’d made out that kissing and such was meant to be something intense and sexual, and yet, all John seems to experience when he and Sarah kiss is just the sensation of two mouths touching. No more sensual than if he’d just poked his arm. He’s also not too keen on snogging; the idea of doing this more deeply for long periods of time is offputting for reasons John isn’t sure he knows how to explain, but he puts up with it as he knows Sarah likes it and he wants to see her happy.

As the months pass, Nigel jokes that John should make special birthday plans, and celebrate finishing up at Gartree before he moves on to grammar school in the fall to work on his A levels. John hasn’t really thought about it that much, to be perfectly honest - he and Sarah haven’t done much but hold hands and snog occasionally. He’s no more excited about this than any other birthday, but Sarah has been dropping hints that she wants to do more with John than what they have been, so John shrugs and figures why not? It’s a rite of passage, isn’t it? Maybe once he tries doing something more sexual with Sarah, he’ll see what the fuss is about.

He has no idea what he’s doing, though, and confides as such to Nigel a few weeks prior, slightly embarrassed about bringing it up and not knowing more than the bare basics his parents have told him a few years ago (and wasn’t _that_ an awkward chat that John hopes never to revisit). For his part, Nigel doesn’t take the piss and merely congratulates John on making a move before tossing several condoms at him from a shoebox tucked beneath his bed. “No sense becoming a father too early,” he teases as John goes red. “Show her a good time, eh?”

——

John’s nervous, but he figures he has every right to be - this is unfamiliar. It’s supposed to feel good, but what if he makes a mistake? What if he does something awful and Sarah’s unhappy? What if he hurts her? He tries to calm himself down as the time draws closer; he’d told his parents he’d be out late with friends, and Sarah’s parents are traveling for work, leaving her with an empty house, so he has time to make it up to her if needed. 

John knows that Sarah can tell he’s nervous, and he desperately tries to tamp this down - he needs to enjoy himself tonight and just let go of his anxiety over this for a little while so he can actually do this. He can feel the condoms practically burning a hole in his pocket as he and Sarah kiss on the sofa, and distantly he wonders about the fact that despite this being a precursor to sex to ease into it, it doesn’t seem to be helping much. He makes a small growl of reprimand at his mind for overthinking this, and Sarah seems to take this as a sign that he’s enjoying this and moans. She pulls away, breathless, and bats her eyelashes coquettishly at John. “Let’s go to the bedroom,” she whispers, voice husky. 

John’s a bit breathless himself, and just nods and lets Sarah tug him along down the hall to her room. She pulls him down to sit on the bed with her and goes back to kissing him fervently, running her hands all over his torso. For the life of him, John doesn’t know what to do with his own hands, but he settles for pulling Sarah closer, which she seems to like. Things grow more heated after that, and John doesn’t remember when either of them somehow lost articles of clothing, but Sarah seems to be enjoying this, and John thinks he might just be relaxing a bit and able to do this.

He’s proven wrong soon after, though, when he finds that he can’t seem to do the actual deed. Something must not be making a connection between his brain and his hormones, because he’s sure he wants this, yet nothing is happening down below. He tries; he really does, but nothing about this is doing anything to help and it’s just making Sarah frustrated. He apologizes, and she’s sympathetic at first, but after a while of no progress and her growing sexual frustration, she finally snaps. “Can’t get it up for a pretty girl, John - are you some kind of homosexual, then? Because I know there’s nothing wrong here.” She gestures at her body. 

John is mortified at the insinuation, and stammers multitudes more apologies before hastily pulling his clothing back on and leaving. Sarah looks thoroughly unimpressed as he does, and John has the feeling that they won’t be seeing much of each other anymore. All the way home he’s inwardly cursing himself. What’s wrong with him? He had a girl all but throwing herself at him (half the battle won right there, according to Dave), but his body wouldn’t see fit to cooperate with him. He plasters on a smile when he gets home and begs off to bed early, but lies awake for a long time that night replaying the events of the night and wondering what he could have done differently.

——

Sure enough, Sarah moves on rather quickly to someone else - a fact John finds out the hard way when he stops by her house one afternoon a week or so later and is halted from knocking on the door by the sound of moans and heavy breathing coming from her bedroom (she’s evidently forgotten that her window is cracked open). John tosses the flowers he’d bought as an apology off a nearby bridge, and throws himself into his studies in the fall. 

All the while, Sarah’s words linger in his head. Is he homosexual? Is that why he couldn’t seem to make his body do what it was meant to when put into a sexual situation with a woman? He banishes that thought; he was clearly attracted to Sarah, and still finds women attractive. Unless he’s just lying to himself? But no matter what angle John tries to find, he’s definitely not feeling any attraction to men.

Which then begs the question, is something medically wrong with him? Basic school studies on the human body have taught John of the effects that age can have on these processes, and further covert research at the library reveals that it’s possible for it to happen to younger men too (but that it’s far less likely). He has to scratch out this possibility, though, when it turns out that the vast majority of causes are diseases or physical problems John knows don’t apply to him. He does underline the words _mental disorder_ on his list, though, as that seems to be the only cause that might be applicable to him. John doesn’t like the implication that there might be something that fundamentally wrong with him, but knows he needs to explore all angles.

It gets worse as the year goes on; while John is doing well in his studies and playing in the band, he can’t help but be troubled at the more notice he takes of his “problem”. His friends talk about their activities and satisfying urges, and John feels none of it. He appreciates the sight of beautiful women, he’s pretty sure he has a crush on Audrey Hepburn (although, who doesn’t, really), but when he thinks about them, it’s never about sex for him?

He tries to convince himself that he’s busy with coursework, that he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment, but nothing helps. Showering off in a communal space after a physical education class twice a week has other boys shouting homophobic slurs at some who are unfortunate enough to pop a stiffy in a room full of other males, and even though John knows it’s a fact of biology that these things happen naturally with the appropriate stimulation, it makes him wonder why nothing ever seems to do it for him. He tries flipping through a dirty magazine that Dave had left at last band practice, and can’t see the appeal (although Dave certainly does, if the multiple dog eared pages are any indication, and that thought alone has John dropping the mag as though it’s on fire and vowing to never touch it again).

His parents notice the change in his demeanour, though thankfully Julie is sweetly oblivious. Oh, to be 12 and carefree again, John laments sometimes. His mother worries that he’s working too hard at his courses, while his father cautions him about the time he dedicates to the band. John promises he’ll manage his time better, and thanks God that they didn’t try to dig more deeply. He’s still deeply bothered by what could be wrong, and procrastinates from looking up texts on mental illness to try and deny that there’s a problem.

Eventually he can’t put it off any longer though, so John finally drags himself to the library and starts methodically checking through books. He’s sure it can’t be depression-related, he doesn’t know about hormone deficiency, and he won’t rule out stress being a cause; he’s definitely been stressed about this since the beginning. He starts finding names of different classifications, and none of them seem very promising. John’s about to give up after reading the definition of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder; he doesn’t think he wants to read anymore if all he’s going to find are more things that might be wrong with him. 

He’s idly flipping pages back in one particular dusty tome now, not really focused on anything but the repeating mantra of _wrong. Something is wrong. You’re wrong_ that he can’t seem to shake from his mind when a word at the top of a page grabs his eye: Asexuality. John’s intrigued; school textbooks only talked about certain plants and organisms with this category, so why is it in a medical textbook? It looks like there’s a whole section on this, but he’s told that the library is closing so he’ll need to return the book to the reference shelf and come again later. John quickly grabs a piece of paper and scribbles down the title and page number, and vows to come back as soon as possible to look into this. 

——

It takes a few days before John has time to return to the library, and he’s practically chomping at the bit to find that book again and read it. When he finally finds it and flips it open in his corner he’s secluded himself into, he almost wants to sob in relief as he reads. This is nothing like what he expected based on his school textbook definition, but John knows that this is it! The medical text contains lists of characteristics indicative of asexuality in humans, several subcategories about more specific types, and there’s so much here that lines up with John’s personal experiences over the past year and a half, that it’s almost as though a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He still has to take a pause for a moment when he realizes that this is technically still classified as a medical disorder, but only in the same vein that homosexuality is, or any sexuality that isn’t purely heterosexual.

John doesn’t necessarily agree with these being termed as medical problems, but he rationalizes that if it’s not technically named a disorder, then he’s not sick. After all, he’s not experiencing delusions or wanting to hurt anyone; John still wants to find someone and get married one day, and longs for that level of trust and commitment in a relationship. It’s just another way of experiencing attraction, is all.

He takes lots of notes for his own reference, and reads and rereads the section so many times he’s sure he could recite it in his sleep. He looks over the other subcategories and isn’t sure if he falls under any of those, but he also likes the feeling of just calling himself asexual. It’s simple and uncomplicated, and using one of those other titles (even if it is more specifically accurate) would only invite more confusion and questions that John’s not sure he wants to talk about.

John wastes no time in trying to find other books in the library that mention it, only to find it’s much harder than he thought. There are scant mentions, and most seem more like they’re written as cautionary scare tactics for “going against the natural order”. John closes those right away; he doesn’t need more reminders that he’s not “normal”, or whatever passes for normal, anyway. He learns as much as he can over the next few weeks, and tries to get more comfortable with calling himself by his newly-discovered identity. It’s still odd when he says “I’m asexual” out loud to himself for the first time, but it gets easier the more he tries. 

——

He doesn’t tell anyone about this; preferring not to be seen as different, and figuring that it’s not really anyone’s business what he wants (or rather, doesn’t want). When he gets the letter detailing his general acceptance to college in London for the fall though, he knows he’ll need to tell his parents before he leaves. He spends far too long trying to decide how best to bring it up, and worries about what they’ll say. After all, this isn’t commonly talked about, and society isn’t fully accepting of different kinds of sexual behaviour.

To a certain extent, John’s not sure how much he fully accepts it either - he still feels as though he’s failed in some regard, that he’s somehow less because he doesn’t feel the way he’s expected to. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to feel the way he’s expected to, and he’s not sure if he’d rather it be a phase that he’ll grow out of, or an unchangeable facet of who he is. He suspects it’s the latter, but still hasn’t fully made his peace with it. John doesn’t want to be different; John wants to fit in.

And that of course brings a slew of other thoughts, such as whether John will actually get to experience that same kind of love and commitment that his parents have. Does him being different mean that he no longer is eligible for any kind of happy ending in his life? Is he doomed to miss out, for something that he’s not sure he can control? The thought upsets him more than he’d like, and he agonizes over this far longer than he should before finally deciding he needs to tell his parents before it’s too late. 

——

John’s nervous; even though he knows his parents love him, he’s not sure if that will still extend past when he tells them this information. He hopes they won’t take it too badly; he’s heard horror stories of people being sent to hospitals, disowned, thrown out of the house. His parents look (rightfully) concerned when he tells them he needs to speak with them, and he knows he’s committed to doing this now. 

His parents send Julie away to her room and John tries to hide the fact that his hands are trembling slightly with nerves. His mother asks what the matter is, noting the dark circles under his eyes. “Have you been getting enough sleep, John? You know you need to be well-rested to do well on your A levels.”

John just shakes his head, not trusting his voice yet. His father frowns at this. “You need to be taking better care of yourself. You’re going to be 18 later this year; you’re not a child and we shouldn’t have to coddle you. Is it that band of yours?” John shakes his head again, and now his father just looks confused. “Then what is it?”

John clears his throat slightly, trying to meet their eyes and failing. “I think... I think I might be asexual.” He looks up slightly at this declaration, hands shaking again. His parents are exchanging a look, and John continues, “I’ve been doing some reading on it, and I think it makes sense. I wanted to be sure before I told you.”

“So what does that mean?” His mother seems uncertain. “Will you be planning on living alone for the rest of your life? Forsaking human contact?”

“N-no,” John replies, hating the way his voice trembles slightly. “It just means I’m not interested in anyone sexually. I still like to be around people, and I still hope to get married some day.”

His father frowns more deeply. “Have you considered that this may be a medical problem? A hormonal deficiency of some kind? Should you be seeing a doctor, or a specialist?”

“I have considered that, yes.” John looks up to meet his father’s eyes. “But I’ve been reading up on this, and I’m not sure if it’s something that needs to be fixed. I mean, I still get... y’know. It. In the mornings. Sometimes.” He goes red again; not really comfortable bringing this up. “So I don’t think it’s a hormonal problem? Or it wouldn’t happen at all. And if it was, would that be a bad thing?”  
John’s aware that he’s biting his lip as he waits for a response, and absently wonders how he hasn’t managed to draw blood yet. 

His father sighs deeply. “I see. John, you know we only want what’s best for you. We don’t want to see you missing out on life experiences because of something that could possibly be easily treated.”

“I know.”

“Mightn’t this be just a phase?” John’s mother speaks up again. “You’re still young; you may find that this changes for you in the future. We want you to be happy; not to preemptively give up on yourself.”

John pauses before speaking, trying to choose his next words carefully. “...what if I’m happy the way I am?” he whispers, unable to meet their eyes again. “I’ve noticed these differences for almost two years. What if this isn’t a phase, or not something I’d need treated, and this is just the way I am?” And here it is - the moment of truth. John’s tense as he waits for their response, and no amount of trying to tell himself to calm down is helping.

There’s another moment of silence before his mother speaks up again. “Oh, my sweet boy. You know we’ll always love you, no matter what it is you might feel. If you’re happy and this isn’t affecting you adversely, then you know you’ll always have our support.” She reaches forward, arms open, and John finds himself collapsing into the hug, a few tears falling that he didn’t realize he was holding in.

He glances over to his father, who has a grave expression on his face but nods in agreement. “Your life won’t always be easy, being... this way, but you’re our son. More importantly, you’re getting old enough to make any decisions about your own health.”

“Thank you,” John gets out, throat tight as he’s still being held closely by his mother. He’s having a hard time believing this is real; this is so much better than he had hoped. 

He does end up pulling out the notes he’d written during his research to give them more information, but his parents seem to trust his word and experiences on the matter more than general notes and statistics. They do ask a few questions, and he answers the best he can given his limited knowledge. His mother is concerned about how he’ll fare with relationships in the future (a concern John’s had several times already himself), but John tells her he won’t be looking for a while in order to focus on his studies, and when he does, he’ll cross that bridge. He knows his parents will likely always worry about this now, but he’s happy to have that concern and not their rejection.

——

The months pass, and John finishes his A levels and finds out he’s been accepted to study electrical engineering at Chelsea Polytechnic in London. He completes his last few concerts with The Opposition, packs up things he’ll need to get by, and looks forlornly at his bass and amp as he makes the decision to leave those behind in Leicester. His bandmates take him out for drinks on his 18th birthday before he leaves, wishing him well for his studies. 

John’s father comes with him to make the trip out to London; John’s glad for the company on the car ride down, and the help moving his few boxes of belongings into the dingy flat he’ll be renting. He’s meant to be sharing it with two others, but they both appear to be out at the time being and have just left a note indicating where they left his key. After unloading his things, John’s father claps him on the shoulder and tells him how proud he is of what John’s making of his life, and wishes him all the best before making the drive back to Leicester. 

John manages to get himself settled in relatively quickly, and while he’s not remarkably close with either of his flat mates, they have enough of an understanding of each other that living together isn’t too difficult. It’s a bit uncomfortable when they bring girls over for a shag, given how thin the walls are, but John learns to put up with it as best he can. And if they ever joke that he never brings anyone over, well, John just fobs them off with some joke or non-answer and they seem to accept it.

Over the year, John finds more of his own sense of independence, growing his hair out and making efforts to fit in more socially and keep up with trends. He learns that it’s popular in some circles to refer to people like himself as ace, and John likes that. It’s short and sweet, and sounds fantastic as hell. He still never talks about it with anyone, but it’s nice to hear confirmation that he’s not the only one that feels this way, even if it is just through offhanded comments.

He still keeps up with his work and enjoys his studies, but he wants to try and make an effort to do something with his life outside of university. After all, he can’t hide in his books and electronics projects forever. He tries dating here and there, but it never goes well for long; either they’re interested in something he doesn’t want (or isn’t able) to offer, or they just don’t mesh together as well as John would hope. 

John gets a job working at a small store doing repairs for their equipment in his free time, and it’s enough to help him bring in some money to cover expenses for himself. Money gets a bit tight when one of his flat mates moves out at the end of the term, but he and his remaining flat mate make it work. John also decides that despite his decision to leave his bass and music behind when he came to London, he misses playing and would love to be in a group again.

——

He brings his bass and amp back when he’s on a visit to his parents during study break, and when he returns to London it’s like John has a new lease on life. He does his best not to disrupt his flatmate (or any girls he happens to bring home) when he practices on his own, but he looks forward to actually finding a group to play with. He tries starting his own band, but it’s less than successful, only playing one gig. He tries looking for other bands, but nothing seems to work out; either the posted flyers are old and outdated, or he meets the band and it’s not a good personality fit, or he just doesn’t get accepted when he auditions. 

His pride stings a little, being rejected for some of these bands; some of them aren’t even that good, in John’s opinion. He frequents one of the local pubs with some of his friends from uni, and the bands that play there aren’t very skilled, or if they are good, they’re not interesting. He sees one such band there performing, dragged out to the concert by a friend (John had wanted to study for an exam, but his friend insisted); his friend is raving about their sound, but for the life of him, John can’t see what’s all that impressive? They call themselves ‘Queen’, which is terribly pretentious in John’s eyes, especially for a band that he can’t remember much about the next day aside from the fact that he was thoroughly underwhelmed. 

That said, when this same friend tells him shortly after Christmas holidays that Queen is looking for a new bassist and introduces John to the guitarist and drummer, he supposes it’s worth a shot and decides to audition for them. After all, it’s not as though other bands are knocking down John’s door, so he might as well try. 

The audition goes better than John thought it would, and a few weeks later, he’s been formally accepted into Queen as their new bassist. He likes the other members, even if they are all quite odd in their own ways. The drummer, Roger, blind as a bat and fondly obnoxious to boot; the guitarist, Brian, a decent enough sort but with his head constantly buried in astrophysics textbooks in every spare moment; and the singer, Freddie, boisterous and extravagant and everything John isn’t. Freddie seems to have made it his personal mission to include John in everything possible, whether it’s spending time at his and Roger’s shared flat, going out for drinks, or attempting to let him dress John in certain outfits that he declares will make him look “simply amazing, my dear!”

John usually protests, given how different their senses of style are, but Freddie is very persistent, and manages to talk John into a few things (mostly ideas for stagewear, and John has to admit they look a sight more appealing on stage than some of his usual clothes). He refuses to let Freddie have full wardrobe control, though, and the other man always sighs theatrically but never pushes rather than John’s truly comfortable, which John appreciates. 

It takes a few months, but John’s finally performing with Queen on stage, and without trying to build himself up too much, he notes with a certain satisfaction that their sound is a lot better than it was when he first saw them perform. They sound so good together, and John finds himself enjoying playing with Queen much more than he initially thought he would. 

He’s also starting to attract more female attention again; playing in a band certainly seems to draw people in like a magnet. Now that John’s getting more of a hang of how to manage his schedule, he thinks he might like to try dating again at some point. After all, he’s a different person than he was two years ago when he left Leicester; he’s more sure of himself and his place in the world, and maybe it’s about time he tries to make another serious go of it. His parents’ concerns about how him being ace echo in his head, but he pushes those aside; he can deal with that when the time comes.

——

As it turns out, the opportunity drops in his lap when he least expects it. It’s a Tuesday, and this particular one, he and Brian have met with Freddie and Roger at their market stall, and there are apparently plans for drinks later on for Roger to drown his sorrows after a particularly tough exam he’d had that morning. Somehow Freddie has managed to shirk all work duties and leave them to Roger, and is currently talking his and Brian’s ear off about some friend of his from Imperial College who’s studying History. “An utterly fascinating woman, if I do say so myself! I think you’d like her; she could give our Bri a run for his money for her study enthusiasm and quoting random facts about her field.”

“Fuck off, Fred.” Brian rolls his eyes, but there’s no bite there, and John has to stifle a laugh by pretending it’s a cough. Just then, he catches a glimpse of someone creeping in the front of the stall, making a beeline for a corner in the back.

“Ah, there she is now!” Freddie cheers, gently but firmly steering her away from the corner and towards where they’ve been chatting. “This is the lovely young lady I’ve been telling you about!” She waves shyly, looking rather uncomfortable about being put on the spot, and still tries to slink away when she thinks there’s an opportunity. No such luck; Freddie seems to know she would attempt that, and wraps an arm around her to bring her back to the group, insisting that she shouldn’t be shy to talk to him and Bri. John can’t help but be a bit amused; at least it’s not him getting the forced socializing treatment this time. 

Freddie introduces them all, and conversation turns to their respective fields of studies. John’s impressed; after the initial shyness of meeting them, this girl is actually opening up and is asking questions about their studies and is taking it all in. When Brian’s finished explaining his degree and courses, she turns to John, and John’s honestly surprised at how easy it is to talk to her. He tells her about the amp he’s made as well as his own studies, and she’s attentive and asks questions if she doesn’t understand, and even makes some jokes at times. John’s normally quite quiet around people he’s not as familiar with, but even after Brian leaves and it’s just the two of them, he finds that the conversation doesn’t seem stilted or forced, and he thinks he likes her already. 

Weeks pass, and this girl becomes a regular fixture of their band drinking nights (although she jokes that it’s actually John and Bri that have become the fixtures of her drinking nights with Freddie and Rog), as well as attending their concerts. She and John have a lot in common, and the more time they spend together and get to know each other, John thinks he may be falling for her. He tries to keep it subtle, to not mess anything up, but apparently he’s not as subtle as he thinks he is, because Freddie pulls him aside one afternoon to ask about his intentions(!) towards her. John just raises an eyebrow, asking why Freddie’s so concerned about her.

Freddie seems to debate with himself for a moment before speaking up. “You’re not to breathe a word of this, you hear? We didn’t have this conversation.”

“Alright...?” John’s just confused now. “What exactly am I not hearing?”

“She’s ace. Asexual, if you’re unfamiliar with the shorthand. She’s not interested in sleeping with you and won’t ever be, and I’ll be damned if I see you hurt her,” Freddie says in a low voice. “She’s a good person and doesn’t need someone else trying to force her into something she doesn’t want. If you ever disrespect her, you won’t like to see what happens.”

John winces slightly at the threat, but inwardly he can’t stop his heart from leaping at that news. She’s ace too! He was already attracted to her and they already had a connection, but this makes it so much better - she understands! She gets it! He nods. “I won’t. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. Thank you for telling me this.”

Freddie makes John swear not to mention it and to let her bring it up as she feels comfortable, but also lets John know that he thinks highly of him and is in full support if the two of them start dating at some point. John blushes a little at the praise, wondering if this is what it’s like to have an older brother.

Over the next few weeks, the two of them get ever closer, but it stays purely platonic. No hint of interest, but John’s actually fine with this for now. And then of course it all goes to shit when Brian asks them out of the blue one night before a concert about whether they’re dating, and suddenly all John can focus on is that she’s Right There, sitting on his lap to do his (Freddie-enforced) makeup, and his mouth goes dry. Why is Brian bringing this up? Why now? Does he know something John doesn’t? The rest of the night is very awkward and quiet after she hops off his lap as though she’s been burnt and neither of them can seem to make eye contact, not knowing how to handle Brian’s blunt approach. 

John can’t help but inwardly curse Brian for that for the next week, as things have been made uncomfortable now, and he thinks that he’s lost his chance for a potential good relationship due to the guitarist’s obliviousness. He’s also cursing his flatmate; the man has quietly moved out during the week while John is at classes and stuck him with the lease on his own. John looks over numbers and determines that he can make it work, but only just. He’ll need to pick up an extra work shift here and there and may need to cut back on the beers he buys, but he can manage living on his own. Then while he’s still sorting that mess out for himself, things in the band/associates group shift back to normal just as easily as they slid out of sync; all it takes is one gentle elbow jab to the ribs and a whispered snicker about Roger’s latest fashion disaster the next time they’re hanging around the market stall and they’re back to their regular conversations and jibing, and it’s like nothing happened.

This is what makes up John’s mind to finally work up the courage to ask her out; he figures if they can go back to having regular conversations and spending time together as though that horribly awkward moment never happened, he has the opportunity for something possibly really good here, and he should seize it while he can. It can’t be any worse than what he’s had already, and on some level, he’s still hoping for that happy stable relationship that he’s wanted ever since he was younger.

She hasn’t talked a lot about previous relationships, but he’s heard enough snippets of secondhand information to know that things haven’t gone well for at least a couple of them. Knowing what he does, John’s fairly certain that he knows the reason for this, and if so, he’s even more determined to make this work if she’ll have him. John’s not sure what will happen when he asks, but he figures it’s worth a shot. After all, just because the two of them experience attraction differently doesn’t mean they don’t deserve happiness too.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also @smittyjaws on Tumblr, if you want to hit up my dumpster fire of a blog!


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